As the years go by since the loss of my late husband, I realize happiness was never about attaining things or even achieving a goal. It was about so much less and yet so much more than I ever imagined before his loss.

 I can now see happiness is always a moving target. It changes depending upon where your head is at in life. This idea became more apparent to me after Rob died. Before he was diagnosed with cancer, we were finally financially stable and our two daughters were beginning to become independent people. We had just started to leave them alone for a few hours at a time and felt they could handle it. They actually seem to like the independence from us. Life seemed to be getting better and better. We were finally feeling hopeful that lasting happiness was here to stay, but it did not last long. Within a year of this time, Rob found out he had cancer and our comfortable steady little world was turned upside down with all kinds of medical appointments, cancer treatments, and trips to the hospital when treatments brought complications we could not anticipate. The rest of our life was on hold in a full out effort to keep him alive. This was the beginning of the end of the life we once knew. It effects reaching all of us.

     Although for a while it appeared, we were winning the fight and his cancer treatments had been successful. This illusion only lasted for only a few short months when the cancer came back more vigorous than ever. Now the treatments he underwent were not to cure his cancer, but were only to prolong his life. All of the family’s long-term goals just disappear and fade into the background, since there is no guarantee of a future together. Instead, you start to live in the moment of each day. You really do not think any further than the next few months.  Although those few months turned into almost 3 years, I never felt like I had more time than the present moment. I was just grateful that my husband was still alive to share the present moment.  It was during this time I realized happiness was a moving target which changed depending upon the day. It no longer was about it having enough money to travel or to add on  to our home. Instead, it came in the unexpected moments in life, such as   instead just enjoying the walk together, laughing together at the antics of my husband, playing whiffle ball in the back yard, flying rockets with our kids and friends or even just staying home together watching a marathon of super hero movies. Even something so ordinary as eating dinner together talking about our day at our kitchen table, became a source for happiness. Looking back now those very small unexpected moments were the times I remember most feeling happy. These moments are what  I miss the most. 

     So, knowing this now, I truly try to slow down and savor the ordinary moments with my family and friends.  I feel grateful for those moments I get to share with those I love now, because I do not know how many moments we have left to share. Now I reflect back on how many of those moments I did not appreciate when my late husband was alive. I was too busy wishing for things like more money, a better car, bigger house, or some other things that in the long run would not matter as much as time. What a waste this was when I could have been appreciating the richest I had even without those things This is something almost all of us have taken for granted at some point.  I do not want to do that any longer. After all, even once you reach these goals you are always left with reaching for something more so the happiness of obtaining it never lasts. So now, I  try to make sure  I create these moment which means sometimes I skip some chore that  in the past I had put ahead of spending time with those I love . Now I know enough not to do that and I feel like my relationships have grown and are much stronger as a result. It truly is my hope that whomever is reading this now,, learns this lesson. Take a minute to go and cherish those moments of your own, because in the long run of things you will never be sorry that you did.  The more you learn to do this the richer your life become and the happier you will be with just the ordinary day.  So now one can find happiness in an ordinary day even without all those things you have been wishing for! Now go out and find that one moment that can make your day one filled with some ordinary happiness!