I GET TO…….

  Sometimes being a widow and alone really gets to you. You feel just plain tired of the responsibility of doing everything alone, all the cleaning, cooking, repairing the house, fielding all the phone calls, taking care of the pets, and caring for your children (even though you love them and could not see your life without them ). Sometimes you just long for someone else to do it! Someone else to ask, ” Can you take the trash out tonight, can you cook dinner tonight?” You can no longer have that option.  If it is going to get done it is up to you, no one else.  When I was married I still had some of this same desire, but let’s face it I had 50 percent of the responsibility. I miss that. I hate the fact now I would appreciate it when before much of the time I took it for granted. More often than not, I just assumed the option of asking my spouse to help was something I would have for the rest of my life. This give and take.  It is just one more thing I feel I will not take for granted once, I am again in a committed relationship. 

      There is also another way to look at doing all these mundane things alone, instead of letting them bring you down.  “I get to do it ‘ is a better way of looking at these situations. This is how my late husband might have felt if he had been given more time to live, getting to do these things would also mean getting to live longer and being able to do them. It would have meant having a chance to spend more time with the ones he loves and care for the home that brought with it many happy memories. Thinking this helps me to see although doing these things can wear you down, it does not mean there is not something about being able to do them to be grateful for. I wish I could say it always made me feel joyful when I did them. Sometimes it is ok to not feel that way. However, finding a way to change my attitude about it, definitely leads me to feel more accepting of my life and grateful to be alive and still able to do these things, knowing other people are not. able to even get the chance anymore. I want to get past just feeling sorry for myself and realize there is someone out there who would be grateful to be alive doing these same ordinary chores! 

     So I would like to suggest the next time you start your day off doing mundane things try to remember that just having the ability to do them is a gift and if you are lucky enough to have someone help you do them, no matter who they remember to say thank you! Or if someone asks you if you need help accept it! At first, I had a difficult time accepting the help. As a widow and a very independent person, I had to learn to ask and accept help and be ok with it. People often want to help you let them! It is a gift they want to give you so do not reject their gift to you. I would go even further than this if you are overwhelmed and you need help be kind to yourself and ask for it. because after all, you get to do that too!