Loving What IS

 A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering.”- Katie Byron

Been thinking a lot  about “Loving what is right now.” With Rob’s death, believe it or not, I have been able to accept a lot more things that are not perfect. However,  sometimes like everyone my circumstances get to me. Wish for a better paying job, a larger support network close to home for me and my daughters, to be thinner as well as a new love interest to name a few. Yet, today  I  try to remember to love what is, even when I am not where I want to be.

Thought about this  the other day while stuck in  tourist traffic in Westerly and at the supermarket)  I smiled at people, encouraged the busy cashier, and thanked him for getting me in and out quicker than I thought. When I did this the chore became less of a chore and things felt better even if they had not even changed or maybe they did once my attitude was better! 

To love what is does not mean you do not wish for something more or do not take steps to get it. Rather it is you realizing what is happening to you is a temporary situation. It will change on its own or you will change it.  The change will come from what you do and by learning to find the joy and happiness that exists in the present moment you are in. It is all a mindset.

 It is so easy to lose sight of what is right in front of you. Today I spent time with my family celebrating the life of a new baby that will soon come into the world. There were lots of laughs and speculation about what will he or she look like. There were pictures taken of cousins and aunts with the expectant mother. Good times for sure. Ones to be remembered in the future. Yet, once I got home to my empty house the familiar feeling came over me one of sadness and loss when I opened my front door to an empty home devoid of the family and love that had surrounded me the rest of the day. I have learned not to let them linger. I then took a moment to focus on my pets who were there to greet me at the door. Sat down for a minute or two and took time to pet them and felt grateful for their presence filling in the empty spot that at first I thought was there. Then took another moment to go outside and sit on my front porch and enjoy my lovely garden in bloom. Thinking how many people out there do not get to live in such a beautiful place.

These thoughts also get me to look back and think about all the times I have felt unhappy when Rob was alive while my children and my kids were little. How many moments did I miss that I could have enjoyed and appreciated moments while Rob was here? How many of those moments did I waste just feeling unhappy about our circumstances when he was alive and healthy even if some of our circumstances were not good? There was always something to be grateful for even if I had to dig hard to find it. Knowing what I know now, I try to be better about realizing the value of loving what is and finding a way to find something good in the moment I have right in front of me.

Every moment has two sides, so why waste time focusing only on what is missing?  If that is all I spend time focusing on then I will always find a reason to be unhappy. I just wished I had learned this lesson before Rob’s illness and death. Life could have been so much more fun. Spending more time focusing on what brings me joy in the present moment will always be †he better choice, even if you can not change your circumstances, you can always change how you react to them as well as what you choose to focus on.

Rob had a way of doing that before his cancer diagnosis and it served him well even during the time he was fighting cancer. I often think about how he would bring humor to his situation when speaking to people by saying I am healthy except for my cancer!   In his mind,  there could have been so much more that could be wrong with him. Yet, he chose to use humor to think about his circumstance! It was a lesson I learned the hard way after his passing, but one I am grateful I did learn. Now I realize that things are not ever as bad as they seem. There is always a silver lining even if it is only a small one!