Moving forward!

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.”

—Abraham Lincoln

     Although the loss of my husband was the most difficult and painful experience I have ever had. I know the person I was before the loss is different than the person I am now. I have learned to be a much stronger person than I ever could have imagined. I now see my happiness is not dependent upon anyone else in my life. It is my responsibility. I also now see that I am much more capable than I could ever imagine before this experience. Some of this knowledge came out of necessity because there were so many things my husband did around the house that I never thought twice about until he was gone.

At first, when something broke down in the house, I often ended up feeling sorry for myself, or angry at him for leaving me alone to deal with this. In the beginning, I looked to hire a handyman, but often just finding one and getting them to show up was as much of a hassle as trying to figure it out myself. One such time was when I could not get my front door to latch fully, even after hiring someone to fix it. The repair lasted about a month before it was broken again. Out of frustration, I decided I would try to fix it myself! I started first looking on YouTube and, after trying several different things and several trips to the hardware store, as well as a few hours of struggling with how to keep the door upright while I fiddled with latches and hinges, I finally fixed it. It has not had the problem since.

It is a small thing, really, in the span of life issues, but it gave me confidence in my abilities to do much greater things that I probably would not have even attempted before. One example is writing and publishing this blog! It all started with that small accomplishment, regaining my confidence that I am more than capable, and the only thing that holds me back is when I am the one who doubts my abilities.

So what are some steps one can take to focus on moving forward

1. Trust in your own abilities.

Do not be afraid to try something new. It may feel uncomfortable at first, and you may feel some resistance that tells you this is not you. Be patient, and realize that feeling uncomfortable is part of the growing process. Also, be kind to yourself if at first, you find you do not have the courage or strength to move forward, yet. Remember that Rome was not built in a day. Learning how to do new things will take time. Look for and accept help if you have to, as even that will be a step forward for many of us! You might very well surprise yourself. It may take time, but once you learn that you are capable of more than you thought, you will gain the confidence to do more.

2. Take time to see how you have grown as a person and give yourself credit for it.

Give yourself credit even if you are not ready to build a new relationship with someone else. Continue to build a better relationship with yourself.

3. Show your appreciation for those in your life who have been there for you.

This can include both old and new relationships. This does not have to be grand gestures, it can be little things that you know they would like. Do this without expecting anything in return, and you might even feel better from doing it.

4. Show some appreciation for yourself and how far you have come.

Take time to do things you love that bring you pleasure, such as hobbies or something as simple as taking time to stroke your pet. Even small moments of taking time to do things that make you feel better can accumulate to more significant gains in your mental health and healing. Make sure that you do things to care for your own well-being. This can include eating, exercising, and staying healthy.

The fact is that I often fail to take steps above myself! However, I just keep on trying even if it is one baby step at a time! The worst thing to do is to not try to make any movement forward. I know that this process will be one you will be dealing with for the rest of your life, but even slow progress is still progre