I See You Everywhere!-A Love Letter

” It hurts to remember, but I do not wish to forget!”-Lori Wigsten

Dear Rob,

      When I first lost you,  it was hard to do anything without having something to remind me of you and bring me instantly to tears. It could be the familiar or the unfamiliar, it did not matter My whole world was changed on the day I lost you .  Seeing things that brought back memories of me of you was a painful reminder of all that I lost. Nothing felt normal any more.  My innocence of believing in  happy ever after could no longer be true. I was angry with you, but mostly with God for taking you away from me and our children. I knew my life would never be the same.  The illusions  it could were forever altered.

  I remember when we knew you only had a few months to live, asking you to send me signs you were still with us. Even though you did not believe in that sort of thing, you agreed. It was at this time you also asked me to promise to go on to love someone else, because I was “too loving to be alone.  At the time  through tears, I promised I would be saying and how could I since it would never be the same.  

  You lived up to your promise. At first it really hurt to see these signs, yet also brought me comfort. It definitely was a mixed bag of feelings. Your signs appeared in many different ways.

Through thoughts in my head which sounded like you, songs,  and symbols which to the ordinary  person  would not strike them as anything special.  I can remember one specific time, when I saw our names together  on a license plate after I wondered if I was just making the signs up in my head. It happened after several songs in a row brought back memories of you and the love we shared. The lyrics being too specific to our lives to be just a coincidence.  I can s remember often times when I was having a very bad day, you would send your favorite birds, Cardinals to our bird feeders on the deck.  I can recall when especially feeling low, you sent ten males in a row. It really was a sight to see, since usually it would be only a few. This was a very special reminder for me , because on one of our first dates I asked you what were your favorite animals.  Cardinals and Canadian Geese was your answer. You  said you loved them, because they mate for life. It was then I knew you were the kind of man  I had been searching for who would be devoted and faithful to me. Other signs still appear to me out of the blue. Just the other day while on my way to see family who live in the city, I had to stop while a group of Canadian Geese were crossing the road. Again coincidence?  I think not!

  You did not limit these signs to just me, Our youngest daughter often asked you for signs. She got one of your signs after she got her first apartment in  a license plate that had your birthday on it.  Signs for her have also continued to come when she needed to hear from you too!

Over time these signs grew familiar.  You however did not stop sending them and instead chose a new sign I did not recognize right away.  I started to noticed cars with one head light. My intuition kept trying to tell me this was some kind of sign , but I kept dismissing it.  You kept going! My one of  my own car’s headlight burnt out then the other, yet I still dismissed it as coincidences However once, my youngest daughter’s car headlight, needed to be replaced followed by my oldest daughter’s car  and right after that each one of us had at least one taillight burn out! How could I not see this was no accidence. I felt at this point this was a specific message you were trying to send to all of us.

 When I looked for the meaning of one headlight, I came across a song call One Headlight by the Wallflowers.  When I looked into the origins of the song, I came across an article, stating the author of the song had written the song  dedicated to a friend who died of cancer and how they had supported her through her struggle. I could only conclude you expressing your appreciation for us sticking by you through the toughest struggle in your life. The one headlight symbol was your expressing to us how although physically gone from this world, you were with us in our struggles.  

  Been thinking about why after so many years why you still continue to send them.  Some  are very subtle signs carry meaning only to those receiving them. It is because you want  us  to  know the love you had for us and us for you is eternal. It is always present in our lives, even if we do not always feel it. You look over us from above even if we are not willing to see it.  Seeing these signs use to hurt, now after all these years more often than not it brings me comfort and joy. I want you to know the signs you send help me to  believe your love will never disappear.  When I doubt that love’s existence, another sign shows up. Seeing you everywhere is your way to let us know you are always with us.

Love,

Lori